A Long Time Ago, I used to work in a place where people would sometimes call up and be mean. They would want answers that I couldn't give, so they would keep pushing. I was taught, in response, to repeat.the.key.message. Which basically meant that if you were saying something that someone didn't like, you just had to keep saying it. Gently. The theory was that folk get the message after the third time and give up. (Or something like that.)Sometimes in Real Life, I find myself in situations where I'm pushed in a similar way - asked invasive questions, pressured into doing stuff that is not what I would choose to do.
In the past, I would have nervously stammered a reply or acquiesced to unreasonable demands. Then immediately seethed and simultaneously berated myself for my inabilty to resist disrespectful intrusions.
These days, I am far more able to see an encroachment for what it is: the unmet needs of an Other rather than the irritating result of my inability to establish strong boundaries. As a result, I am more easily able to respond in a way that meets both my needs and, perhaps, the needs of the person doing the asking.
Sometimes I still employ the repeat.the.key.message approach. But more often, I will (gently) turn back the line of questioning or demand: I will repeat the question and ask for a bit more clarity on what is being asked. Or I will reiterate the request and again, ask for more information about what is actually sought.
It's an approach that shifts the responsibility, quietly and (relatively) effortlessly, to where it really belongs.
